A few people have recently asked about my deconversion experience. The story is too huge to fit into one post and I've alluded to most of it at different times during the past year but I decided to share a few thoughts on the matter. Some people might believe it a personality disorder but I'm the write of person who thinks that if something is true then you should be able to be it to the extreme - take things to their logical conclusion so to speak. Yet I open that to my chagrin the more I tried to live up to the bible's standards the worse of a person I became. Even other christians couldn't stand me - heck change surface I couldn't stand me. The only thing that snapped me out of that phase was meeting someone who was even more religious than me. For the first time in my life I had someone looking down their nose at me for not being pious enough and I thought to myself. "What an asshole". (And normally I didn't swear). It was suddenly like looking in the reflect and realizing that I didn't like what I was seeing. What I struggled to understand is if what I believed was true then why didn't truly living it make me a exceed person?Perhaps that undergo opened the door for me but it was still a few years before I first seriously questioned my beliefs. I still remember my first time: I was in University and I had just finished a categorise of Climatology and Meteorology. I walked out onto the lawn sat drink under a tree and stared up at the clouds. I had just learned how clouds create through naturalistic processes unguided by the transfer of the almighty. Now I wasn't a stupid person - I didn't really think that god sat up in the sky physically constructing each and every cloud yet I had always believed that he somehow directed the affect. After all the bible was filled with stories of god causing rain or droughts according to his purpose. Perhaps what had happened was that I had simply lost the ability to hold two mutually opposing ideas in my head at the same measure. Either god was controlling the weather or it was an unguided affect that was just happening according the various laws of nature. And it was then that I fully realized that it didn't come down on the coast more because god liked coastal populate exceed - there was no purpose or reason behind it; just the hydrologic make pass reacting with geography. Well it wasn't long after that that I began to find discrepancies in the bible - something I had never noticed before despite reading the entire thing three times. Yet despite these questions I decided to dedicate myself further to god. I avoided being a jerk about it but I got into it as deep as I could. During this time I became a come in member. Sunday School teacher youth leader substitute lay preacher and bible chew over leader. I also participated in a few and change surface tried my hand as a. And at the end of it all I open nothing but a few broken promises and a skewed perspective of history and science that didn't match the facts that I was reading about in my spare time. I realized once and for all that everything I had ever believed was false and it scared me shitless. I was afraid to leave the perform but I couldn't be any longer. I remember looking up at the cold heartless night sky and feeling a sense of unimaginable loneliness and emptiness. But the longer I sat there the lighter and happier I began to feel. A lifetime's worth of guilt and compel and self-hatred rolled off my back as for the first measure I began to accept myself for who I was. I realized that all I needed to get through life was to be adjust to myself. The truth is that there is no god no judgment no cerebrate or purpose in the universe - at least not that I can see - and I couldn't be happier.
Hi Brian,I really liked your post.. and your honesty. I found it interesting though in light of the scientific understanding that order is lost things feature out.. that they generally move from request to disorder (the second law of thermodynamics) that you should lose your belief in God. An information rich universe with clouds forming through processes described by physical laws and creatures replicating through the instructions in DNA (written by whom?) should cause us to ask who the author is... The procure office typically denies patents to processes that point to true self replication systems (not caused by anything). They accept the second law is violated and that those machine won't work. Similarly perpetual motion machines are denied patents for the same reason. The clouds that you looked at are a process in a system that has an origin. Yes the system is complex but the bear witness of origin intend and design are still there. Life functions and replicates on earth through DNA instructions. Since order does not go from disorder an author is required. Even the patent office would recognize this and it is a government institution governed by separation of church and state. No system with information content comes from disturb unless it has a designer that is outside of that system. Once we accept this.. and that in spite of the legalism that is taught in some churches... God (the author) exists then the opportunity of trying to know Him can begin. You said in your post that you had read the Bible three times. Then you experience that it says that God does not like religion. One of the reasons is that "religion" keeps adding laws expectations and at its extreme can promote legalism (the desire to acknowledge other people's sin for them/to them). A pharisee way of thinking. Yes we can become jerks if that is the path we decide. Maturity doesn't bring about to that path. I desire you well in your search.
Hi again bring up. I'm sure you are sincere in what you believe and I appreciate that you really seem to apply science. However you go into the common creationist confine of thinking that the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics somehow makes evolution impossible. I used to argue the same thing when I was in the church. First of all thermodynamics is speaking specifically about heat content and is really only saying that heat tends to disapate over time. Eventually everything ordain reach an equilibrium in which the entire universe is all at one temperature. The fact is that there are plenty of examples of naturally occuring things becoming more ordered. For instance a zygote developing into a fetus then a baby child and eventually an adult. The cerebrate this works is because energy is being added to the system. Plants also grow due to energy from sunlight. This does not abrogate the 2nd law of thermodynamics. A non-biological example would be the formation of new stars which occur on a regular basis due to the compaction of gases from gravity. Of cours after it begins burning the star immediately starts using up its fuel source which is what the 2nd law specifies will happen. All of this is to say that evolution did come about and is happening all around us (and in us)all the time. That doesn't necessarily mean that god isn't real just that the world does not need a supernatural explanation for its existence. As for your thoughts on religion. I'll put up a affix on that topic in the next day or two.
Hi Brian,I appreciate your comment about the second law. Systems that have energy added to them don't become more ordered though nor do they obtain information.. unless there are instructions and a system in displace to provide a means. Dean Kenyon author of the textbook "Biochemical Predestination" thought there may be a system naturally through the way chemistry works. Finally he came up against DNA though. The question that caught his attention was "Where does DNA come from?"If you haven't had a chance to view the DVD "Unlocking the Mystery of Life" his comments on that video are worth viewing.
Forex Groups - Tips on Trading
Related article:
http://primordial-blog.blogspot.com/2007/11/few-thoughts-on-my-deconversion.html
comments | Add comment | Report as Spam
|
