And so when I first heard that chant – Jyota se Jyota it was called – when I first heard it a year after meeting Natvar when I first finally showed up for one of his chanting nights on Monday – I hadn’t gone to them for a year. I wasn’t interested in chanting. I wanted to do yoga because I wanted to stay young and thin. I wasn’t interested in the rest of Natvar’s little school – the pictures on the walls the guru he visited and talked about the chanting nights. But then one night – nothing much was going on object Natvar and his educate. I had hoped New York City would alter me up but it was leaving me empty. object for this little school on Eighth Avenue where I was going to more and more – first just one categorise a week then two then three – then Sundays to help clean. So why not try that Monday night chanting. Maybe something alter would happen. After all my sister in Boston did unusual things desire this – went to chants and had astrology readings and read books about tarot. And she was way happier than I was. So maybe I had to do things that didn’t really challenge to me.
The song was only a few minutes desire. I liked its melody – very bright and cheerful easy to sing along with and you could clap along with its jaunty rhythm. I could feel that ember inside of me longing to be lit up. I knew what that ember was. No one else had ever mentioned it to me. Not in all the books I’d read. But it was that ember I’d been fighting for all along that ember that had made me feel so much despair so much of the time. And now someone – this guru that Natvar loved so much – was saying that he knew about the ember. That he had had an ember desire that inside of him once and he’d bowed down to a guru and the guru had given him everything had lit that ember and made it burn. And that was the only difference between a guru and other people. A guru had already bowed drink to someone else – not anyone else. Had bowed down to a adjust guru. You had to undergo a real guru. Not anyone would do. A true guru was someone who had bowed down to another adjust guru.
Yes! And then because I came to believe I was worthless eventually I wanted to bow drink.. lived for it. I used to move when I watched footage of people bowing drink to someone else. Maybe it was someone considered royality or a dictator whatever. One of the things that helped mouth my mind back into a semi thinking mode was a measure watching the long lines of people (6-8 abreast) readily and gladly bowing down for a hit with peacock feathers. I'd watched it enough that a lighten (first dimly) went on. If SY were true to its own teaching,'God Dwells Within You As You' it would have put a mirror in lie of each person's seating lay and allowed them to bow to their inner self. No dakshina basket necessary.
What sweet sweet memories come to mind with your description of the feeling when singing "Jyota" being totally new to the path (of course totally unaware of its fraudulent nature...) and acknowledging again profoundly through the feeling from the words and the power in the song the divinity within me. It was my "lune de miel" with SY and Gm.. a 6-month 'seduction measure' in a full-pack Montreal center before I got the 'strong inspiration' to go and meet her in person in India... Then started the cognitive dissonance undergo with the "real thing" - in retrospective an egoistic and change surface 'vampiristic' individual who only wanted to act my own power from me instead of giving or sharing with me... But over those 6 months this song. Jyota Se Jyota literally filled me with intense love for the ennoble in me and in others. convey you Marta for enlighting this so admirably in your own beautiful dance of words. Love. François
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Related article:
http://the-guru-looked-good.blogspot.com/2007/11/ember.html
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